Transvestia

first dressing had pressed the fear into my mind.

My progresssion into complete dressing was

a rapid sequence of one delightful discovery after another. For a few years I was satisfied with wear- ing only panties while I spent frightened moments in "E....'s" room. These few minutes would provide material for the fantasies which gave me my escape from the reality of being a boy. An escape which I believe was actually an attempt to gain love that I thought was lacking because I was a boy instead of a girl.

I wasn't a well co-ordinated boy, nor was I very muscular, so I had difficulty playing the usual sp- orts and games played by the boys in the neighbor- hood. However, I couldn't play girl's games either, because my father would not permit it. So I learned to play card games and various board games which were popular. I would often play these games alone and picture myself as a girl. Sometimes on Saturday mornings E.... would get out of bed and go downstairs to get a glass of milk to drink while she was dress- ing in her room. As soon as she would be out of sight I would hurry to her room and steal a pair of panties and quickly return to my bed where I would put them on and spend half the morning covered with a blanket and playing solitare.

My childhood seemed to be filled with people telling me what a cute little girl I would make. While most boys would be embarassed to hear these statements I wasn't. Those words only strengthened my desire to be a girl. I believe that at that point I was beginning to develop trans-sexual tend- encies. Altough I did not yet know the difference between boys and girls in a physical sense, I could notice enough of a social difference to know that I preferred the role of a girl.

The comments did not end with childhood. While I was in high school a boy in my history class said

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